1. You’re Not a Wife. You’re the Family’s Operating System
Because “log kya kahenge” doesn’t run itself.
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Let’s face it: you’re not a person anymore. You’re a Google Calendar with legs.
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Who remembers birthdays, bills, baby vaccinations, bahu-dadi diplomacy, and your husband’s boss’s cat’s funeral? You. Always you.
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Indian women don’t live. They orchestrate. A wedding, a dinner, a toddler tantrum, a monthly Excel of who likes “less sugar in chai”—while working full-time and staying 10kg under societal pressure.
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The others? They roam around like NPCs in a family drama.
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“You should’ve reminded me!”—a grown man who can track IPL stats but forgets his own child’s school PTM.
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Mental load isn’t about doing everything—it’s about carrying the anxiety of everything. Always.
📌 Real-life: Rupa in Pune once forgot to buy atta and broke down crying. Why? Not because of the atta. But because no one else in the house even knew they were out.
🔗 Toxic Positivity explains why women are told to “just breathe” when they’re drowning in mental alerts no one else can see.
2. Stats Don’t Lie, But Families Still Say “Beta, Adjust Karlo”
Indian women are dying inside, and the only feedback they get is “have one more child.”
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75% of Indian women (YourDOST, 2023) feel solely responsible for emotional logistics. That’s scheduling, remembering, managing—and pretending it’s no big deal.
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OECD data: Indian women do over 5 hours of unpaid work daily. Men? Just 29 minutes. That’s not a gap. That’s a galaxy.
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“One more child” isn’t a blessing. It’s a bombshell.
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India’s obsession with producing male heirs has turned childbirth into a family-funded pressure cooker.
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Real convo: “You should go for a second baby.”
Me: “I can barely keep my bladder functional and you want me to make another person?”
📌 Story: Priya from Bhopal was told by her MIL that having just one child “was selfish.” She already had postpartum depression. But guess what? “Parivaar bada hona chahiye.”
🔗 Trauma Is Trending talks about how collective denial has turned daily suffering into a national hobby.
3. Indian Men: Still Waiting for Their Emotional Puberty
If he can manage a crypto wallet, he can manage a baby wipe.
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The bar is so low it’s six feet under. “He helped with dishes once” gets him MVP status.
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“I’m tired too” he says—after one Zoom call, two samosas, and a nap.
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Most Indian husbands treat emotional labor like UPI fraud—“Not my job, don’t know how it works.”
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Their idea of support? “Just tell me what to do”—aka, outsource thinking while getting full credit.
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Indian women are tired of explaining why keeping track of everyone’s tiffin box lids counts as work.
📌 Real story: Niharika, a startup lead in Gurgaon, once asked her husband to book their child’s vaccination. He replied, “You’re better with health stuff.” Aka: “My job is money. Your job is everything else.”
🔗 Middle-Class Productivity Guilt: Why men justify their absence at home by romanticising their workload—even if it’s just replying to Slack with a thumbs up.
4. Self-Care? No, What Women Need Is Self-Preservation
Bubble baths can’t wash away generational trauma.
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“Take care of yourself” sounds cute until you realize the only “me-time” you get is in traffic or while defrosting aloo.
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You can’t “spa your way out” of a system built to grind you quietly.
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Self-care has become capitalist gaslighting. Here, have this lavender candle. Now go be Superwoman again.
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Deep breathing doesn’t fix what generations of emotional neglect have built.
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Even doing self-care becomes another task. “Did I journal today? Did I fail at relaxing properly too?”
📌 Data check: A Harvard Business Review study (2023) showed women often experience guilt and failure during self-care because the mental load stays—even in the bathtub.
🔗 Crying & Emotional Release: When crying in the shower becomes your only therapy.
5. She’s Not a Goddess. She’s Tired.
Stop saying she’s Devi. Start treating her like a damn human.
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“Strong women raise strong families” sounds great. Until the strong woman becomes a collapsed shell with migraines and iron deficiency.
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We mythologize mothers into martyrs. Guess who benefits? Everyone except the mother.
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“She never asks for anything” isn’t noble—it’s emotional neglect rebranded.
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Why is it easier to worship Durga but impossible to pick up your own damn socks?
📌 True tale: Deepa, a 60-year-old grandmother in Chennai, still cooks for her 35-year-old son and his wife—because “he likes only maa ke haath ka khana.” He earns ₹40L/year. Still emotionally five.
🔗 Trauma Is Trending: Because “suffering = strength” is the most dangerous cultural virus we pass on to daughters.
6. The Baby-Career Combo? It’s a Rigged Game
She gave birth, breastfed at 3 AM, and still made PPTs by 9.
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Indian working moms are told to “balance both” without ever being handed a safety net.
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Your boss says, “We’re family here”—but god forbid you ask for flexible hours post-maternity leave.
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A LinkedIn Workplace Equity Study (2024): 52% of Indian women say having a child decreased their promotion chances. For men? It increased their respect at work.
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“She’s not aggressive enough for leadership” = she’s burned out but still showing up.
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Meanwhile, men get praise for attending a PTA meeting once a year. “Wow, so involved.”
📌 Story: Tanvi, an ad executive in Bangalore, was removed from a client project after returning from maternity leave. Why? “We thought you'd want to slow down.” She didn't.
🔗 Marks, Meltdowns & Mental Health: Because the pressure starts young, and grows with every stage of womanhood.
7. A Culture That Needs a System Update, Not a Spa Day
Meditation won't fix what patriarchy built.
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You can’t fix structural oppression with scented candles and Spotify affirmations.
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Women don’t need yoga. They need co-parents.
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Imagine if emotional labour was tracked like house rent. Or if in-laws gifted time off instead of more babies.
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Stop saying “ghar sambhalna bhi ek kaam hai” like it’s some abstract poetry. Then treat it like an actual job—with leave, backup, and recognition.
📌 Micro-solutions that actually help:
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📲 Shared Google Calendars for chores. If you can set DND for IPL, you can set it for laundry duty.
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👶 Let dads handle school WhatsApp groups. It’s their kid too.
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👵 Stop expecting women to prove love by serving tea 5x a day to relatives who think they’re royalty.
🔗 Digital Loneliness: Emotional load isn’t visible. But the silence it creates? Deafening.
Final Punch: Her Burnout Isn’t a Phase. It’s a System Crash.
She’s not “too sensitive.” She’s chronically ignored.
She’s not “nagging.” She’s begging to not be the only one who cares.
She’s not dramatic. You’re just under-involved.
This is not “normal life.” It’s death by a thousand paper cuts. And the bandaids are scented but useless.
If you care about Indian women, stop asking them to do more with less. Start doing your share—without applause, hashtags, or Gajar ka Halwa.
Because until the mental load is shared, the damage won’t be visible—
But the cracks will keep getting deeper.
It's true—and the irony is hard to ignore. Often, when a woman considers stepping away from her career to focus solely on family, there's a persistent fear: the fear of being taken for granted. Sadly, that fear becomes a reality more often than not.
ReplyDeleteWe’re not asking to be worshipped, but every woman—whether she is a homemaker, a working professional, or juggling both—deserves to be seen, respected, and acknowledged for her efforts. Recognition shouldn’t depend on her role, but on the dedication and intention behind it.
And let’s not even begin to talk about the unsolicited comments and hurtful taunts women face during these transitions. It's emotionally taxing and deeply unfair. In today’s world, having a supportive partner or an understanding family truly feels like a rare blessing.
Most importantly, the decision to be a housewife, pursue a career, or do both should rest entirely with the woman herself. Others can and should offer guidance or support—but the final call must be hers alone.
Absolutely spot on. The fear of being taken for granted isn’t just a passing worry—it’s a shadow that lingers, and too often, it becomes reality. Recognition isn’t about worship; it’s about basic respect for the invisible labor and emotional energy women pour in every day—whether at home, office, or both.
DeleteAnd yes, the unsolicited comments? Like bonus emotional taxes nobody asked for but everyone pays. The “supportive partner” trope still feels like a lottery win for many.
The key: agency. Women deserve full control over their choices without society—or even family—painting those decisions as “selfish” or “less than.” Until that respect becomes non-negotiable, the mental load won’t just be invisible—it’ll remain unbearable.
Thanks for adding this perspective. It’s conversations like this that need to keep happening.
Damn it explained the entire generational trauma, profesional dilemma , family crisis, health crisis in one go
ReplyDeleteTotally! It’s like the longest-running Indian soap opera—except there’s no remote to change the channel or pause the drama. You get generational trauma guest-starring alongside professional meltdowns, family crises doing a cameo, and health issues crashing the party like uninvited relatives. Meanwhile, we’re juggling it all on a caffeine drip with zero commercial breaks. Honestly, if surviving this were an Olympic sport, Indian women would be gold medalists—no contest!
DeleteThe central issue is the lack of reciprocity in many relationships. One partner is consistently expected to remember and execute all family-related tasks without any reciprocal consideration for their own needs or wishes. The example of a husband blaming his wife for childcare starkly illustrates this imbalance – parenting is a shared responsibility that demands mutual involvement. The historical acceptance of female sacrifice for the sake of adjustment sadly persists, hindering true equality. Why should one individual, so often the woman, be compelled to sacrifice her aspirations, career, love, and familial connections, only to be subsequently judged and made to feel guilty for not meeting unattainable standards? We must acknowledge her inherent worth as a human being and treat her with respect.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely, you’ve hit the nail on the head. It’s heartbreaking how often the mental load falls unevenly, and the expectation of sacrifice becomes this invisible, never-ending demand placed mostly on women. Parenting, family, life—they’re not solo projects. It’s a shared journey, but too often one person ends up carrying the bulk, losing pieces of themselves along the way.
DeleteThe old narrative that women must “adjust” and silently sacrifice is so deeply ingrained it’s almost cultural wallpaper by now—but that doesn’t make it right. Every woman deserves to be seen and respected as a whole person, with dreams and needs that matter just as much. Until we challenge this, true equality remains a distant goal.
Thanks for bringing this up so thoughtfully — conversations like this are how change begins.