How impossible standards, constant comparisons, and emotional silence are quietly breaking Indian men — and what needs to change.
1. The Indian Man’s Catch-22: Work Hard, Yet Always Wrong
Imagine juggling flaming torches blindfolded—that’s the daily grind for many Indian men trying to balance work and family. According to a recent NIMHANS study, 40% of urban Indian men report stress from trying to “do it all.” Work less? You’re branded lazy, useless. Work more? You’re a neglectful husband, absentee father.
Take Arjun, a software engineer in Bangalore:
“I work 10-12 hours a day, but my family complains I’m never around. If I take a day off, they call me irresponsible. It’s like I’m stuck in a no-win game.”
And it’s not just the family. The workplace demands burn the candle from both ends. NCRB data reveals a 10% increase in substance abuse deaths among Indian men aged 25-40, many escaping the invisible cage of relentless expectations.
Sharp take: Being an Indian man is like trying to win the World Cup while blindfolded — and never allowed to touch the ball.
2. Eldest Son Syndrome: The Emotional Jail You Never Asked For
If you’re the eldest son, congratulations — you’ve just won the family’s emotional jail sentence. The eldest carries the unspoken mandate to be “the strong one,” never showing cracks or vulnerability. A 2019 study in the Indian Journal of Psychology found 70% of eldest sons suppress emotions to avoid “burdening” their families.
Ravi, the eldest in a Chennai family, shares:
“Whenever I tried to say I was overwhelmed, I was told, ‘You have responsibilities. Stop being weak.’ So I locked it all inside.”
The result? Emotional paralysis. No permission to grieve, no leave for mental health. Just silent endurance.
Zinger: Being an eldest son means you carry your family’s emotional baggage — but nobody hands you a trolley.
3. Punching Bags of Society: If You Don’t Work, You’re Useless; If You Do, You’re Neglectful
Indian men are expected to be tireless breadwinners and perfect family men simultaneously. Fall short on either front, and you’re branded a failure. The Indian Council of Medical Research reports 58% of men aged 25-40 feel overwhelmed by these dual demands.
Rajesh from Pune puts it bluntly:
“My family wants me working 12 hours but also expects me at every school event and festival. Miss one, and you’re a villain.”
This tug-of-war leaves men fraying at the edges, with little room to breathe.
Punchy quip: Try juggling flaming swords while balancing a family dinner — and that’s your daily grind.
4. Keeping Up With the Cousins: The Never-Ending Comparison Game
Family gatherings are less about love, more about leaderboard updates. You’re constantly sized up against cousins, siblings, neighbors — the “beta” comparison trap. A 2022 Indian Journal of Psychiatry report links this to rising anxiety and depression in young men.
Suresh, a Delhi banker, says:
“My parents can’t stop comparing me to my IAS officer cousin. Meanwhile, I’m stuck explaining my startup’s failure.”
Because nothing says “family” like a scoreboard of your shortcomings.
Quick hit: Family meetups or reality TV? Both come with merciless judges.
5. Silence is the Only Option: Why Indian Men Avoid Mental Health Help
Mental health stigma for men is suffocating. WHO India reports only 1 in 10 men seek professional help for mental health struggles — the rest tough it out silently, because “mard ko dard nahi hota.”
YourDOST’s 2024 survey found 75% of men fear judgment if they admit emotional pain. The suicide rate among Indian men hovers near 20 per 100,000 — above the global average.
Seeking therapy? Might as well join a secret cult.
Witty punch: Asking for mental health help in India is like shouting “I’m weak!” in a tiger’s den.
6. Toxic Masculinity: The Ancient Script That Won’t Let Men Breathe
“Mard ko dard nahi hota” — this emotional straitjacket has been handed down for generations. The Tata Institute of Social Sciences notes men who stick to toxic masculine norms face higher depression, substance abuse, and relationship issues.
Men who dare to break the mold — showing vulnerability — get mocked, sidelined, or shamed. Crying? In India, that’s a sport you’re disqualified from playing.
Sharp take: Toughness is the badge, but nobody tells you it’s forged in silent suffering.
7. Women Get Support, Men Get Expectations — The Emotional Double Standard
The last decade has seen mental health awareness for women rise significantly. For men? Crickets. Women are encouraged to speak up; men are told to “man up.” This emotional double standard leaves men isolated and unsupported.
Men’s emotional neglect leads to rising rates of heart disease, anxiety, and suicide. According to the Indian Journal of Psychiatry, men’s suicide rates are nearly three times women’s.
It’s not just biology; it’s culture telling men their feelings are a liability.
Punchy quip: The emotional bucket men carry leaks — but nobody hands them a mop.
8. Why Men Need Permission to Feel — And How That Changes Everything
Change starts when men stop fighting emotional wars alone. Teaching boys emotional literacy from school days, celebrating vulnerability, and opening safe spaces can rewrite centuries-old scripts.
Therapy isn’t shame — it’s strength. Society must say:
“Mard bhi insaan hai — dard bhi mehsoos karta hai.”
Zinger: If crying was a crime, Indian men would be serving life sentences.
9. Real Voices: Indian Men Break the Silence
Men aren’t robots built to endure — they’re humans often unheard and unseen.
Ravi from Hyderabad says:
“Telling family I’m anxious was met with ‘Just work harder.’ Felt invisible.”
Sameer from Jaipur:
“Crying was ‘women’s business.’ Inside, I was breaking.”
Vikram, software engineer from Bangalore:
“Being compared to my overachieving brother was supposed to motivate me. Instead, it crushed me daily.”
Ankit, Delhi-based, adds:
“At work, showing emotion meant ‘weak.’ At home, my feelings were ‘too much drama.’ Where do I belong?”
A 2023 Indian Express report found male suicides outnumber female suicides by 3:1, many linked to societal pressures and suppressed emotions.
No wonder men stay silent — speaking out risks being called ‘less of a man.’ But silence kills quietly, leaving shattered dreams and broken souls behind.
Witty punches:
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Emotional pain isn’t hide-and-seek; men are forced to be champions at hiding.
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Indian men: the world’s best emotional ninjas — invisible wounds, unseen scars.
10. The Revolution We Need: From “Mard Ko Dard Nahi Hota” to Healing
Changing the script requires a revolution: dismantle stereotypes equating emotion with weakness, celebrate imperfection and vulnerability.
Imagine workplaces with mental health days, zero stigma, families encouraging sons to express feelings, and schools teaching emotional skills alongside math.
This isn’t a pipe dream — it’s urgent.
First step? Collective permission for Indian men to stop carrying the world silently.
Second? Individual courage to say:
“I am more than my job, my salary, my toughness. I am human.”
Because real men don’t hide scars — they share them.
Bold bite: Healing isn’t feminine or weak — it’s the bravest act of all.
As a person, I can truly relate. This tends to happen in almost every family where siblings or close cousins of the same gender are present—comparisons inevitably creep in, even when no one actively seeks them. And unfortunately, it doesn’t stop there; the comparisons often continue even after marriage. I experience it regularly myself, especially being the elder one. That said, since it’s with my cousin, I do feel somewhat at ease—because over time, there’s always the option to distance yourself if certain things start to feel uncomfortable.
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